Doritos -- Mouse In The Wall

The Mouth:
When I first saw this, I thought it was okay. Kind of funny. Personally, I would have liked to see some sort of giant human trap that snapped and broke the guy's neck, then we'd see the mouse sitting in his chair, eating Doritos and watching. After doing some looking around, I believe that this is a fan-created ad, winner of a contest put on by Doritos. Alone, as an ad, I would probably give it a lower ranking. But when I look at the larger idea and the level of consumer involvement this probably inspires, B+.

The Hawk:
I like this one a lot. Looks like the fans were indeed better than the majority of the pros for this Super Bowl! The product is clearly but not annoyingly shown and the surprise of the mouse attack is funny. Good job. A.

Pepsi -- Justin Timberlake: "Childish and immature"

The Mouth:
Is it just me, or is there something gratifying about watching Justin Timberlake get smashed into things and dragged down the street? Call it jealousy--because that would be accurate. I'm surprised they included the part where he freezes outside the window of the shirtless guy in a wig. Creepy and funny, but not something I expected to see from Pepsi. Seems like someone in some meeting would have given that part the axe. And when he gets cracked in the head by a flat-panel TV, that reminds me how much I love TVs. Who's bringing sexy back now, bitch? And how hard must it have been not to label this the "sucking Justin" ad. I'm just saying...

I get the overall message loud and clear: with every drink you're closer to Pepsi Stuff. B+.

The Hawk:
I mean, to quote the great Dennis Green, "It is what I thought it was!" JT starts right off by saying it's childish and immature, and I'll be damned if he ain't right. Throughout the ad I DON'T get it, and I'm too irritated by the end to care about whatever dumb point they are trying to prove. Nothing like a good crotch joke to really ratchet up the creativity! And isn't he supposed to be sexy and cool and not a straight cornball? F.

United Way -- Tom Brady Animated Lose Weight Ad

You may want to dial down your volume a bit. For some reason the sound on this is pumped way up.



The Mouth:
I don't remember--nor could I find--the ad my partner was talking about when he created this entry. So instead I've posted this Stetson ad as a reminder to anyone who might be stricken by a case of severe EliManningBandWagonJumpingOnicitis; Tom Brady is a hunk. Why, I can't imagine anything that says "man" more than him whipping down a dirt road in a convertible, blond riding shotgun, with a horse galloping along to boot. A.

The Hawk:

I couldn't agree more. A.

Here's the Super Bowl spot that ran for United Way:



I think this is funny. Where Stetson makes Brady look man-a-licious, this animation makes him look like a complete dweeb. I guess maybe the jeans they put Tom in made it unable for him to beat that kid in a foot race? Or maybe it was that bum ankle? And shouldn't the kid be at least a little chunky to drive the point of this one home? C+.

T-Moblie -- D-Wade makes Charles' Fav Five!

A week or so ago, T-Mobile released the above trailer-style ad as a build-up to the main event, to be shown during the Super Bowl. I've loved this campaign from the beginning, and this is more of the same. They make a great trailer, using an authentic voice-over guy and flashing the date at the end trailer-style. The best part is when Barkley's voice is echoed, saying "My fav five".

The Mouth:

I could have done without the trailer. I know the story and I'm not any more interested because of it. The only thing it made me think about was how god-awful the Miami Heat are this year. Eat it, Wade.



And then the moment we've all been waiting for... D-Wade makes Chuck's Fav Five, and gets more than he could've ever asked for! "Do like popsicles?" "It's only 2 o'clock here." "That's why I don't eat shrimp." Hilarious. A perfect encore to a great overall campaign. A+.

The Mouth:

I love Barkley and I like Wade, so this starts off with a lot of positives. The previous campaign has been good and I think this is a great payoff. "You're not driving through no tunnel." My only critique is that I still don't believe in the value of a fav five, what the hell does it do? Free calling to those five people? Their pictures on whatever you call that initial screen your phone stays on? Someone please tell me. That's not enough for me to downgrade it much, though. A-.

Planters Cashews -- Ugly Woman

The Mouth:
I thought this was cheap. Maybe I have a soft spot in my heart for ugly girls, but something about this didn't strike me as funny. Someone out there really looks like that. And I guarantee rubbing some nuts on their neck won't make them more attractive. Also, you know what doesn't make me want to eat nuts? Watching a horrific troll rub them all over herself. Yuck. D.

The Hawk:
Great execution... of a horrible idea! "Hey, I know, let's make everyone want to puke when they think of our food product!". Genius! This might have been the worst ad of the night. And does the brand of nuts even matter? Aren't nuts just nuts? F-.

GMC -- Pushing Rock

The Mouth:
Do we really have to review this one? It's forty seconds of talking while we watch a simple black and white cartoon that barely moves. I know that as a writer, I should appreciate a spot like this. Quiet, with a well-written VO; but during the Super Bowl, all it gets is a big, fat yawn. F.

The Hawk:
Big, fat yawn is right. If more than 2% of viewers managed to sit through the beginning snooze fest, then I'd be amazed. The most egregious offense to me, is that it has the look, tone and feel of a financial/investment ad, and I HATE financial investment ads. F.

Parents as Anti-Drug -- Drug Dealer -- F

Holy smokes, what a colossal blunder this was. What is the logic behind having a drug dealer, who is kind of likable, tell you his business sucks? Before you jump on me, I get it, the message is to parents, that they should watch their medicine cabinets. But you know who else was watching the game? Kids. Kids who heard, "if you want to get high for free, quit paying your dope dealer, all you need are some of your parents' pills." I mean, maybe we should also have also told parents, "you should especially not leave OxyContin, Valium, Zanax, Adderall, and Vicodin lying around, because when you take those, you can get a really nice buzz." Why not pass out lists of prescription drugs at schools? That'd be about as effective. Whatever happened to showing a kid with brain damage from drug abuse or a mom crying at a kid's funeral? Stop trying to be so clever. A down on his luck drug dealer is not going to win the war on drugs, idiots. F.

The Hawk:
Ha, I liked it, of course. At least the first time. But I didn't pay full attention -- I thought it was just saying, "don't blame the drug dealer for your kids doing drugs, blame yourself". Seems like that would have been a good message. Still, maybe this will still open the eyes of some parents? But the Mouth may be right, and it may open the eyes of just as many kids. Hmm... I'm not a parent, nor have I done drugs, so I'm not even close to the target demographic here, so it's too close to call. I'm going to take the cop out and go with C.

SoBe Life Water -- Dancing Lizards and Naomi Campbell

The Hawk:
Aren't there already too many advertising lizards? Is Michael Jackson really who you want as the voice of your campaign? And if he isn't controversial enough, why not use a model, Naomi Campbell, that has personally kept a few dozen criminal defense attorneys in business over the years? Is the SoBe name ever actually mentioned in this spot? Why are the lizards better dancers than Campbell?

Although this is mildly entertaining (I like the colors, music and the lizards with grills), I think they could have done a much better job. D.

The Mouth:
Maybe if this was on during Project Runway or America's Next Top Model, but during the Super Bowl? It seemed entirely out of place, which perhaps was the goal, since I remember it. My first instinct was that it was terrbile, and rewatching it hasn't done much to change my mind. However, I disagree with my associate on his disapproval of Michael Jackson. That's old-school Mike and the people love him. I also like the part where the lizard eats the bug--trials of life. C-.

Update -- The Hawk:
I'm starting to develop a weird obsession with this commercial. But before I get to that, let's run down Miss Campbell's legal history (thank you Wikipedia):
--In 2000, she pleaded guilty to a 1998 assault on Georgina Galanis, her then assistant; Campbell had assaulted Galanis with a telephone in a hotel room and threatened to throw her out of a moving car.
--In March 2005, Campbell allegedly slapped assistant Amanda Brack and beat her around the head with a BlackBerry personal organiser.
--Italian actress Yvonne Sciò has claimed Campbell left her "covered in blood" after an altercation at a Rome hotel. Sciò claimed: "She punched me in the face. She was like Mike Tyson."
--On March 30, 2006 in New York City, Campbell was arrested for allegedly assaulting her housekeeper with a jewel-encrusted mobile phone, resulting in a bloody head that required several stitches
--On October 25, 2006, Campbell was arrested in London on suspicion of assault; she was released on police bail.
--On January 16, 2007, Campbell pleaded guilty to a charge of reckless assault against her maid Ana Scolavino

Have you heard enough? How in the hell does she get an ad deal? "Drink our water. You'll want to beat the shit out of people!" Athletes (think Kobe Bryant following rape charges) are vilified the instant they so much as sniff a court case, almost always losing any endorsement deals. What is so unique about Naomi? This stuff is fairly recent, and I'm not aware of any resurgence/transformation she's undergone. I'm not even sure over half the people who saw this recognized her, so they could have easily used some other hot young thing.

But maybe they saw what I'm beginning to see, as my odd fascination with this ad grows. Once it comes on, I can't turn it off... Do I love to hate it? Is it so bad it's good? It's something... and I can't figure it out. It makes me feel weird. Something about her dancing is not quite right... and I like it? Is she a lizard woman? Either way, since one of the lizards eats a grasshopper, they should've had her beat the hell out of someone with a cellphone!

CareerBuilder.com -- Super Bowl Ads

Following in the footsteps of Monster.com, CareerBuilder gets in on the Super Bowl action with two memorable spots. They deliver a very clear, easy to follow message--even though each message is different. The overall tagline "start building" is okay, but doesn't really inspire me the way Monster's "your calling is calling" does. I guess at the end of the day, CareerBuilder will always be Monster's little brother. And they didn't do anything here to tell me why CareerBuilder is different or better than Monster. In fact, if you weren't paying attention, it's possible you might have thought that these were ads for Monster.



Follow Your Heart -- B+

The Mouth:
This was the better of the two. I love seeing that little heart plop down onto the keyboard. You know exactly what's going on and it's still fun to watch. For some reason it felt sort of flat at the end, but it still worked for me.

The Hawk:
Watching this ad, I had no clue what it was for. A new horror flick? A heartburn medication? Oh, maybe a job board. After it all comes together, the message is clear... if you can stomach it. This is gross, crude and makes me cringe. They made the food the boss is eating look like the cooked organs of his other employees It also seems like they should have used a man for the employee, as right when the heart is coming out, I'm thinking something is up with her boobs. Weird and bad. F.



Spider Eats Firefly -- C+

The Mouth:
I would have liked to see them develop the heart as its own character. There's thousands of ways that you can follow your heart regarding your career. Instead, they deliver a different message, that "wishing won't get you a better job." True. But this commercial won't convince me to use your site.

The Hawk:
Let's face it, they wanted to use "Wish Upon A Star", Disney wouldn't let them, so they came up with a lame, but cheap substitute. Weak. The song is bad and I'm happy when the spider eats that stupid bug. Like The Mouth said, when you think Super Bowl advertising and job boards, you think Monster, so they would be better served to get their name out there right away. There is no evidence of the service being advertised until I've stopped caring. F.

Garmin -- Napoleon's Army

The Mouth:
The music drives, the suspense builds, it's a mystery...who is driving this little car? The headless horseman? A ghost? A baby? Or maybe the car is driving itself? From the beginning it caught my interest and I was surprised--though not really excited--when Napoleon stepped out of the car. I don't know if it really sells the Garmin device effectively. We had a Garmin the last time I traveled and it wasn't all that great. Overall the ad was pretty good--and they capitalized on the growing popularity of the mini-horse! Unless that was a pony. B-.

The Hawk:
I didn't get this one. Napoleon? Huh? Was this targeting the large foreign audience tuning into the Super Bowl? Somehow I don't see the American masses finding this interesting. The music annoys me, as well. At least the show their device being used, effectively. D.

Toyota Corolla -- Ferocious Badgers

The Mouth:
The message is clear, the idea is sort of funny. They could have used more badgers. C+.

The Hawk:
Isn't there a more ferocious animal they could have used? Are badgers funny or are they trying to use cute things that aren't ferocious in an ironic sort of way? I don't get and think it's dumb. At least I know that's a for a Corolla when I watch, though, and I do like quiet cars. D-.

Budweiser -- Rocky Clydesdale -- A+

While Bud Light was represented in several Super Bowl spots, Budweiser went with quality over quantity, and this might have been my favorite ad of the night. It's outstanding. Whereas Audi butchered an American classic, The Godfather, Budweiser took an American classic, Rocky, and stayed true to its spirit. The end result is commercial goodness. I sort of wished they hadn't had the dap scene at the end, but that's nit-picking. A+.

The Mouth:

Borrowed interest. Nice work, you thought of a commercial where a horse trains like Rocky. I know Budweiser is associated with those clydesdales, but in reality, I don't really care about that at all. In fact, I kind of hate those uppity horses with their wispy white hoof-hair. The horse commercial where the zebra is the referee set the bar pretty high and this doesn't even come close. Although I do like that they named the horse Hank. How can Hank compete with Thunder? C.

Tide Stain Stick -- Talking Stain

The Mouth:

Outstanding. I laughed as soon as the stain started talking and didn't stop until the end. I sort of expected something like that to happen once I saw the large stain on the shirt, but the gibberish-sounding voice and the way it caused you to completely disregard everything he was saying, and the fact that the longer it went, the more excited the stain got struck my funny. I thought the point was going to be that your stains say enough about you, so "Silence the stain" wasn't entirely expected. The fact that Tide put out a Super Bowl ad--and not just any ad, but one that can compete for one of the best--that was a surprise. I can watch this over and over again.

Then, in addition, you can go to mytalkingstain.com and upload your own stain face and talking stain voice. Not exactly changing the world of advertising, but a fun, easy way to get users involved with your brand. Ashabashabashabash. A.

The Hawk:
I did not find this ad funny at all, but I did find it interesting, and it kept my interest. The main problem with this one, for me, is I still initially think it is for a job site like Monster or CareerBuilder, as I did the first time I saw it, until I'm reminded it's for the Stain Stick. Overall, a nice creative Super Bowl ad without going too far over-the-top. B-.

Cars.com -- Glondoor and Shrunken Head

The Mouth:
There's something about this Plan B campaign I like. The branding comes across pretty clear; I walk away knowing that cars.com prepares you for car shopping, so you don't have to use plan b. In the death-match one, I like when he advises the salesman to step outside the circle. And in the shrunken head ad, I laughed at: "Hey Jay, can I take off? I got a tiny head." B+ for both spots.

The Hawk:
I'm in between on these. The first half of both gets the point across and is good for Cars.com. But then the plan b's are out of nowhere craziness. In the Glondoor spot, the guy just says "plan b", not "plan b to make sure you give me what I wanted", like the shrunken head spot -- then it would've made more sense. Also, is it a good or bad thing to use B-level actors in your ads? The customer in Shrunken Head is an actor on the FOX tv series Bones. I never understand why that level of actor would stoop to this level. C-.

FedEx -- Carrier Pigeons

The Mouth:
Yes! Unlike most normal people living in New York, I love pigeons (especially the pigeons who live outside my bathroom window and constantly get it on). This commercial, from the very beginning has FedEx written all over it. They've been so consistent in the feel of their commercials, that within the first five seconds you can guess it's going to be their ad. And they seem to deliver something great every year (including one of my all time favorites). The special effects aren't the greatest, but it doesn't even matter. Watching those birds cause chaos brings me great joy. And the point is simple and easy to remember: switch to FedEx. A+.

The Hawk:
I like this one too. However, I would've like the boss at the beginning to say "Did we pick FedEx?" or something to that affect, because when you are advertising against your competitors, you want to make sure people are thinking FedEx, and not just laughing at the funny pigeons. Pigeons with GPS are awesome! B-.

Dell / Red -- Guy In Streets With Laptop

The Mouth:
I like the song. And the effort by Dell to join the ranks of GAP and whoever else is participating in the (RED) program. But the Super Bowl is probably not the time to launch this campaign. It was a somewhat clever idea with the people all cheering him on as he walks through the street, but the concept seems to be almost lifted (with lamer results) from this old Starbucks ad. Very average. C.

The Hawk:
They try to show the product early, but I just thought he had a red notebook. I had no idea what was going on during most of the ad. Why is everyone cheering? What did this guy do? Even after seeing that he has that red laptop, I still don't see what the hullah bulloo is all about. Uninteresting. Uninspired. D.

GoDaddy.com -- Danica Patrick Teaser -- D+

The Mouth:
This commercial took me through a range of emotions. First, I thought it was terrible. I hate commercials that are self-aware, so when that guy says "I used to watch...for the commercials," I throw up in my mouth a bit. And when the whole party runs over to the monitor, the cheese factor goes through the roof. But wait, I thought, they're running a sexy Danica Patrick ad on their website. Brilliant. I just got done saying how they should never have strayed from their proven tits-sell strategy. And then I went to the website and saw this:



Awful. Nothing makes a man angrier than going somewhere with the expectation of seeing some tits and then seeing no tits at all. The old bait and switch is never appreciated. And the beaver bit is stolen from--and doesn't even compare to--these Molsen Canadian ads:


Chasing Beaver: A


Scoring Beaver: A
Furry, soft, trimmed.

GoDaddy.com really let me down, although I have to give them some points for trickery. D+.

The Hawk:
I pretty much hated this, but the telling factor would be how many people visit the site? Since the site is their business, if this drove traffic, it was a success. Now, anyone who stopped and thought about it would realize Danica Patrick is not getting naked in a million years, and would not have visited. The beaver aspect was only mildly amusing. I'll agree with D+, unless someone shows me some web traffic stats.

Gatorade G2 -- Derek Jeter

The Mouth:
Blah blah blah. There's no part of me that wants to listen to Derek Jeter talk, and he yaps a bunch in this ad without really saying anything. G2 is Gatorade's answer to Vitamin Water, though I'm not sure you'd know it. They do state it's a low calorie off-field hydrator, but what that has to do with the lame baseball field appearing around him or why you'd want to drink it is a mystery. Remember, America is stupid. The only redeeming quality this spot has is Peyton Manning! Peyton! C.

The Hawk:
I on the other hand love Derek Jeter. He is the Tom Brady of baseball: Men (other than The Mouth) want to be him, and women want to be with them. The special effect baseball field is attempting to say that Gatorade is not just for on-the-field activities, it, especially it's new product, can be used in all aspects of life. I like it. It gets your attention, shows the new product, and then maybe you'll try it. B.

Singing Contest Winner for ??? -- Super Bowl

The Mouth:
There was a contest? For what, for who? Why do I care? Waste of money. My associate couldn't even remember who sponsored this. I do, but only because I was so disappointed. Doritos. You have a brand known for doing fun commercials, commercials that people enjoy. And you generally can fit your product into that ad. And this is how you spend your money? Now, I'm sure there were all sorts of other components to this; live events, internet videos, etc. But during the Super Bowl, I just don't care. I vote we don't post the ad and give additional publicity to some girl singer I don't really ever need to see again. I also think iTunes may have had something to do with this. D-.

The Hawk:
Who? What? When I saw this, I thought I had accidentally changed the station to MTV2. This really wasn't even an ad, I guess, so maybe we shouldn't even review this. I had no clue what was going on. F.

Bridgestone -- Screaming Super Bowl Ads

Screaming Animals -- C+

I feel like this is a combination of things I've seen before. The continued scream, animals in front of cars doing something. The only redeeming qualities are the silently screaming grasshopper and that woman's strange cartoonish face. And I don't think the copy at the end fits. For drivers who want to get more out of their tires, it's Bridgestone or nothing. Not running over animals is getting more out of your tires? That seems like it should be the cost of entry. For drivers who want pretty standard tires, how about Bridgestone?

The Hawk:
The first thing I thought of when I saw screaming animals, was the other recent car ad featuring animals with human qualities -- the Jeep Liberty ad -- which we both ripped. I guess this one is good for a bit of a chuckle, but the branding seems horrible. Mouth is correct about the mis-matched copy and on top of that, there have been a ton of ads over the year for actual cars, featuring this type of "quick swerve" action. They also wait too long to mention Bridgestone. That needs to happen earlier, then viewers wouldn't be left guessing. Further review bumps it a little from my initial grade, up to a C-.



Unexpected Obstacles -- B+

This brings to mind a very real fear I have. The night deer fear. Whenever I'm driving in a wooded area at night, I'm paranoid that a deer is going to bolt out in front of me. Sometimes, I can't even watch the road, I just scan the woods for a family of deer cantering out toward the road. After the deer, I love seeing Alice Cooper there. I didn't expect that. Richard Simmons is what he is (for some reason, hearing him shout "I believe in you" after we've gone to title cards makes me laugh). I think using two celebrities was sort of cheap. They could have come up with something else that was funny and unexpected, like an old lady in a bathtub with her cat. Wouldn't expect that. I also would have liked to see more of what the tire is doing. I understand it helped him avoid hitting thingsl, but maybe a slow motion capture of the tire gripping the road or something? Fear the deer. Go Bucks!

The Hawk:
I have the same general complaints with this one, only they switched not-really-that-funny animals with B(C? D?)-Level celebrities. Most Americans who once recognized Alice Cooper probably fried their brains away and thought some sort of sad clown was featured in this ad. The lighting is terrible as well, making it hard to see anything, and I'm STILL left asking: "Hey, what car was that for?". Can't wait to see the third edition! F.