Victoria's Secret -- After The Game Super Bowl Ad

The Mouth:
This is exactly where Victoria's Secret should be. Once again in front of millions of grown men who spent their formative years conducting one-on-one study sessions with the catalog. And now we're old enough to have real ladies. And yes, if we've behaved, they will be waiting for us after the game. Great concept, great line(let the real games begin), great placement (near the end of the game), great ad. My only criticism is this: why not show more ladies? I mean, maybe some of us like blonds. Or redheads or Latinas or black girls or Asians or girls with buzz cuts or girls with big, fake knockers. Splash up a little variety for us. We're a melting pot. A-.

The Hawk:
An amazingly beautiful lingerie model twirling a football. Perfection. Oh, and all that intelligent ad stuff my cohort said. A+.

D&G, Time: B-

Yes, I am reviewing a Dolce and Gabbana ad.



First, when that robot person at the beginning says "dance music for people who want tomorrow's music today," I pay attention, because I think maybe I want that. But then the alarm music begins, which makes me realize I don't want that.

It must be interesting to work on an account like this. Sitting around, eating mushrooms, trying to think of ways to make people want expensive clothing. Can you imagine going to a client with this as your pitch: So these two people are walking through the city in a hurry...we lead you to believe they're going to meet one another and there's a real urgency. But then at the last second...we reveal they're each meeting themselves! And then they make out with themselves. Girl on girl, guy on guy. Then we just put up your logo and the word "time."

Why? Because D&G is for people who love themselves. That might actually make sense. When I started writing this, I was going to give this spot a D. Then I realized I'm not the target audience and that there might actually be some logic to it. I also noticed that in the background of the spot, other people are making out with themselves. I guess that makes it somehow better.

Hanes, Michael and Cuba: D

Really? This is supposed to make me want Hanes? There are two major things wrong with this commercial. First, why would Michael Jordan send anyone a basket of boxers? If I was Jordan and I read this script, I would immediately fire my agent for even bringing it to the table. He doesn't need that money, he's Jordan. Which leads me to my next, more important point: you're Hanes, you have Michael Jordan endorsing your product and THIS is the best you can do? With perhaps the world's most famous, powerful athlete? With the man every man would give his left nut to be or have been? Shame on you Hanes, shame on you.