I Rate Ads Dot Com--A Real Website

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Old Spice -- Hair and Body Wash

I don't think I need to go into much detail here. Just good, clean comedy. Has this ever been on TV? I'm not sure. Might be a YouTube phenomenon.

"Sure, criminal." A.

Dentyne Ice -- Frog Ad: F

I hate this ad more and more every time I see it. I can't explain exactly why I hate it, but I do. A lot. I mostly hate the CGI prince and princess. And the fact that food and candy marketing experts think that this is the kind of worthless trash that will make me buy their product. Unfortunately, this is the exact kind of gum I chew. That fact makes me feel slightly ashamed. F.

The Hawk:
I like it and I chew it. The spot does a good job of showing the product, it has enjoyable music and excellent visuals (unless you hate the CGI prince, I guess!) that fit the overall "Ice" feel. B-.

American Idol -- Ben Roethlisberger

The Mouth:
Does anyone even remember that the Steelers won the Super Bowl? I hate American Idol, and therefore hate any commercial for it. The only way this would have been good is if they had Ben pouring tequila down the throats of hot girls in the audience. F.

The Hawk:
JOKE IN A CAN ALERT! JOKE IN A CAN ALERT! JOKE IN A CAN ALERT! "I loved that song, until you ruined it." "Who sings this? Let's keep it that way." I'm not even sure what the point of this was. American Idol has plenty of viewers, so did they really need to get this elaborate? A simple reminder would have probably sufficed. Hell, maybe they were just having a little fun. Still stupid. D-.

Amp Energy Drink -- Nipples Re-charge Car Battery

The Mouth:
Ugh. Anything involving nipple clamping or belly buttons makes me want to puke. Not a good feeling to evoke when you're trying to sell a drink. And all from such a horrifically overused formula. Person can't do something. Person uses product. Miraculously person can now do something. We assume product is responsible.

This was mildly amusing, at best. The only redeeming factor is that it brought me back to the sixth grade roller-rink with Push It. Yo baby pops, yeah you, come here give me a kiss, better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed, can't you hear the music pumpin' hard like I wish you would? Now push it. Push it real good. That's from memory. D.

The Hawk:
Ugh is right. So now we've had a fat guy clamping his nipples, a horribly disgusting women and a dog's slobber all used to sell food or drink products? Doesn't it always feel better when you alone are not the stupid one? Somebody organize a happy hour for the various people behind these mistakes. F.

Victoria's Secret -- After The Game Super Bowl Ad

The Mouth:
This is exactly where Victoria's Secret should be. Once again in front of millions of grown men who spent their formative years conducting one-on-one study sessions with the catalog. And now we're old enough to have real ladies. And yes, if we've behaved, they will be waiting for us after the game. Great concept, great line(let the real games begin), great placement (near the end of the game), great ad. My only criticism is this: why not show more ladies? I mean, maybe some of us like blonds. Or redheads or Latinas or black girls or Asians or girls with buzz cuts or girls with big, fake knockers. Splash up a little variety for us. We're a melting pot. A-.

The Hawk:
An amazingly beautiful lingerie model twirling a football. Perfection. Oh, and all that intelligent ad stuff my cohort said. A+.

Moment Of Truth -- Chad Johnson

The Mouth:
I like Chad Johnson. I secretly like The Moment of Truth. I don't like this commercial. They took what was a very promising situation and delivered a very vanilla result. How was that the show that couldn't be more truthful? D.

The Hawk:
Agreed. Much like the Shaq Vitamin Water spot, they failed to utilize the potential of their star. I've seen this show too, and I think this fails to accentuate the draw of the show. This is the ad for some sort of comedy show, not Moment Of Truth. I think just showing actual clips of the show, with the participants' expressions, is the best way to draw new viewers. This spot only serves as a comedic take to people who are already watching.

Gatorade -- Man's Best Friend

The Mouth:
I'm not even going to pretend to understand what this means. Man likes Gatorade like dogs like water? Man drinks dogs? Dogs love Gatorade? Gatorade would drink Gatorade? The setup got my attention, and did make me feel kind of thirsty, but the payoff was terrible. Didn't fit the Gatorade brand at all. Was this a consumer created ad? Or did some ad-man trick Gatorade into buying a video he made of his dog? D-.

The Hawk:
I agree. No idea what they are trying here, unless it's: "Our drink tastes like nasty dog slobber. Yum." Also, I don't know what the joke is, but the punchline is: Michael Vick!!! OHHHHH!!!! F.

Taco Bell -- Mariachi band

The Mouth:
I mean, what can you really expect from Taco Bell? Can you remember a good Taco Bell ad, ever? And no, that stupid little dog doesn't count. Nothing about this seemed like a Super Bowl ad, except for the fact that it was on during the Super Bowl. In its favor, it's undeniably a Taco Bell ad. D.

The Hawk:
Sorry, I can't sugarcoat this. Plain and simple, this is some racist bullshit. At least you know it's Taco Bell, I guess. F.

Toyota Sequoia -- Big Wheel Race

The Mouth:
And the mongoose flies! Yes! Why is it so hard to do ads for family cars that make them seem cool? This ad begins to break the nauseating mold that most family car ads are cast from. Get some fresh music and show families tearing it up. Show 250 berserkers screaming down a hill on big wheels. Show that it's about more than getting from point A to point B, or keeping the kids quiet. We all know family cars are safe and we'll ask about that in the dealership, but we're still humans. We still want to feel like the $35,000 cars we're buying are cool. I would have loved for this to be for a minivan.

"Seats eight crazies." Indeed. A-.

Also, it's the perfect counterpart to the other Toyota Sequoia commercial, which I love.

The Hawk:

That's all well and good, too bad it's a rip-off of this CLASSIC H2 ad. I hate copycats. Big wheels are fun though, so I can't fail it, as much as I want to. C-.