Under Armour -- Super Bowl

The Mouth:
Talk about an inflated sense of self-worth. With this spot, Under Armour has officially taken themselves and their role in the sports world waaaaaaaaaay too seriously. And the number of a's I used in that "way" is completely accurate. In the beginning they claim, "We started this thing." No, you didn't. Not even close. You're so late to the party that a lot of people have already come and gone home.

And that speech at the end, with that guy talking to his "legions" in Future City, I have to wonder if they're almost making fun of themselves. Because if they're serious--which I pray to Allah they're not--someone should raid the Under Armour compound and break up their roid-fueled, meathead, James Jones militia.

"You are the new prototype! We are UnderArmour! The future is oooouuuurs!" Ridiculous. F-.

The Hawk:
First of all, a little background, notice when Cyrus says "The Future Is Ours":



This is the famous speech from The Warriors, a very popular movie with Shaq, athletes, and pretty much the entire Hip-Hop generation. Ding-ding-ding-- Under Armour's core audience. Mix in this speech scene with the standard Under Armour "protect this house" look-and-feel, and you have this new ad. To me, this is just Under Armour doing what they do. It fits in well with their overall branding with the whole future/prototype schtick introducing what appears to be a bit of a product expansion. The only minor difference was the use of Ray Lewis, where they usually only stick with unknown guys. The Warriors inspiration is a bit over-used at this point, but it works. I'm overall neutral to this one. C.

Also, Under Armour DEFINITELY did start this... they were the first to produce and popularize this type of athletic skin-tight clothing.

SalesGenie.com -- Cartoons

The Mouth:
Do I even have to say this is bad? Did anyone pay attention to it, or did we all just tune it out thinking it was another eSurance.com commercial (which, by the way my grandma loves). What a monumental waste of $3,000,000. Do you know how much late night airtime you could have pulled for that kind of scratch? And that's when people who actually do sales are watching TV, thinking oh shit, I'm not going to make my quota, how can I get more sales? During the Super Bowl, the last thing some schmo with a lousy sales job wants to think about is how he's underperforming. No offense to all my friends with lousy sales jobs. F.



And while we're at it, let's throw in some stupid pandas with offensive Asian accents. F. Although I will say, there's about to be a boon in panda-centric advertising. Once Kung Fu Panda drops, it's going to be a panda bonanza.

The Hawk:
I don't think these are that bad. They are simple ads that -- get this -- advertise the product! Upon second watch I agree about the offensive accents, used in both, but I also agree that I am a sucker for pandas. C.

Pepsi Max -- Falling Asleep

The Mouth:
I guess most people will probably like this commercial. It has some stars in it, a Saturday Night Live skit reference, a balding guy, some bobblehead dolls, some sheep, Japanese people and a song they recognize. But me, I don't care much for it. First, I hate that skit and A Night At The Roxbury. And this song is like a pop jackhammer on my ears and brain, causing them to hurt and bleed and cry. D.

The Hawk:
Yes... yes... yes again... I had the exact same thoughts and rating. The worst part for me is when LL Cool J cheeses for the camera and does the head dance. Awful. D.

Audi -- Godfather Remake -- HORRIBLE

What? Horrible. Stupid. A bad ad is one thing... a bad ad that is featured as the second ad shown during the Super Bowl, is a whole 'nother level of terrible. The fact that they fail horribly in re-making a scene from an all-time classic movie, Godfather, just makes it all the more awful. A car hood spilling oil in the bed? Huh? On the bright side, the car itself looks awesome, and good or bad, this gets the Audi R8 name out there. F.

The Mouth:

Well, if you look at the premise, that Audi is putting old luxury on notice, it actually isn't a bad spot. That's what the horse head in the bed was, notice. Granted, it's a little hokey and I don't know if it's Super Bowl worthy, but it gets your attention and it makes sense with the messaging. And that new Audi looks HOT. B-.

The Hawk:

This is worthy of a rebuttal. In the The Godfather, man who gets a horse head in this bed is the one being put on notice. So if this spot is analogous, that implies the old guy in the bed IS old luxury. But in actuality, he's just a man, and old luxury is actually chopped up and killed. It doesn't even make sense. This was butchered, pun intended, at every level.

More from Mouth:
You're getting very literal now, my PC-based friend. Sure, you're right that the man who gets the horse head was being put on notice. But don't you think other horses associated with that horse--his friends and family--were also put on notice? I mean, they cut off that horse's head. So technically, I think you could say that other similar horses were also put on notice, which would make the metaphor start to work. It could also be argued that the old man represents old luxury and the car, in this instance, takes the role of the horse--a beloved form of transportation.

Bud Light -- Super Bowl Ads

Bud Light came strong, or at least frequent, for the Super Bowl, and it was largely a trainwreck of advertising missteps, with only 2 above average grades.

The Mouth:

Going with quantity over quality was clearly the strategy here. Bud Light serves up a little of everything, so one of these is probably bound to be funny to most groups of people. For the most part, I thought this was a pretty weak effort this year.



Breathe Fire -- C+

This is an attempt at a lame joke that has nothing to do with the product. What in the hell does breathing fire have to do with drinking beer unless you're talking about the heartburn that comes after drinking nasty-ass Bud Light? Spots like these only work if they're funny, and this is not. At least they do a good job of branding, as far as mentioning and picturing the product up front.

The Mouth:

This concept has the potential to be really funny, as is displayed in the dog talking about sausages commercial. This one isn't that great, although I'm sure if they thought harder about it, they could have come up with a funnier situation for breathing fire. I'll agree with C+.



Wine and Cheese Party -- B

Now this one is clever and funny. Good job.

The Mouth:

Hard to argue with that. This one is dead on for the target audience. Man no like silly wine and cheese parties. B+.



Carlos Mencia -- Foreign accent -- F

One word: lazy. "Hey, let's show another of those Carlos Mencia spots." "Ehh, what the hell?" A) This campaign wasn't funny the first time around. B) I'm not sure how much star power Mencia actually has. C) The humor is lowbrow, if not offensive. Horrible.

The Mouth:

Yeah, this one is bad. I actually think I like the old one, where he's teaching the class to say "Give me a Bud Light." But this one is just plain lame. Although I will say, even though I don't ever watch his show or anything he does, Carlos Mencia seems to have some star power. D-, because I like the little fellow who says Buuude Light.



Cavemen -- D+

Why are those Geicko guys drinking Bud Light now? Umm... I think ya'll missed the memo: Cavemen are played out! Unoriginal and not funny.

The Mouth:

Oh, wait, I get it. They invent the wheel, then they use it to carry the beer instead of rolling it. Dumb, stupid and bad. I guess someone at Budweiser issued a mandate. "Those Geiko cavemen are popular, we need a caveman commercial in the Super Bowl this year. Cavemen are all the rage right now." No, they're not. F.



Flying man -- D-

See the above review of "Breathe fire". And honestly... he's alive in the terminal later on? We're not that dumb.

The Mouth:

I thought this was even worse than the fire breathing one. Is it even possible that they could have come up with something MORE predictable than having the guy get hit by a plane? I really don't think so. On Family Fued, if they showed the first half of this commercial and asked how it would end, there would only be one answer. 100 out of 100 people would guess "guy gets hit by plane." Ding ding ding ding. With the freedom that beer advertising gives creatives, whoever is responsible for this spot should be forced to write salesgenie.com spots for the rest of his natural born life. Double F.



Will Ferrell as Jackie Moon -- A

This cross-promotional ad for Ferrell's upcoming movie, Semi-Pro, is a winner. In character, Ferrell is his usual funny self, dropping Bud Light-related one-liners. Good.

The Mouth:

Just Will doing what Will does. "A magical blend of barley, hops and delicious alcohol." Delicious indeed. A.