NFL Story - Mr Oboe

The Mouth:
Oboe fans around the world were going crazy; someone was finally giving their instrument some love. But no. The point of this is not that playing the oboe is a respected and rewarding experience. The point is that if you're a giant black man, your dream must be to play professional sports. I mean, can you imagine a large person with dark skin wanting a normal life and simply enjoying playing his instrument?

That being said, I love football, I love the NFL and this was a nice story. B.

The Hawk:
I like this one. It's like a good "based on a true story" movie; it contains all of the facts with enough flare added to keep it interesting. Salaam tells the story in a funny way, and I love when the coach says "You play the oboe". Funny, heart-warming, and completely unnecessary since the Super Bowl and the NFL already has a kajillion viewers. B-

E*Trade -- Talking Baby

My love for these commercials flies directly in the face of years of hatred toward talking baby ads. I believe it was Quizno's that did a talking baby ad last year or the year before and I lambasted it as a cheap, horrible effort. But for some reason (well, the writing is the exact reason) I love these. They talk about the product and I'm entertained. Success.



Spit Up: B+

The Mouth:
"A. Don't worry about it, I just look young...you don't know how old I am." And the baby spits up. Didn't see that coming, did you?



The Hawk:
There is absolutely nothing I hate more than an investment ad. I don't care what kind of investment-related product it is, the minute I realize what's going on, I let out a loud groan and usually some sort of profanity. I didn't even get the chance to do that here, because I was already groaning about YET ANOTHER TALKING BABY. SHUT. UP. F.

Clown: A

The Mouth:
I know my associate doesn't care for these, so I want to take a minute to point out some of the details that make me love this spot. Like the way the dialog/baby's train of thought is interrupted by the sound of that balloon at the beginning. That's something you have to plan out and think about. A subtle detail that makes a big difference, in my opinion. I think if it had just been a straight read, this would have fallen flat. But the director, or someone, knew what they were doing.

"Me and the boys were talking about what to do with all this extra coin, and I was like, I'm rentin a clown...and I did...Bobo here." I like the writing and the actor's read; it seems very natural and comes off funnier because of it. Plus, that baby wanted a clown--and it got a clown. That is a man of action. You have to respect that.

The Hawk:
A talking baby and a clown! What will they think of next? Oh, they'll make a joke about clowns being creepy! How original! Awesome. FAIL. F---------

Hyundai Genesis -- Fake-ass Mercedes

Shhhhhhhh, let's try and make our ads as quiet and ignorable as possible. We don't want to wake up anyone who might be sleeping during the Super Bowl. Nor would we want to interrupt their conversation about the game. I think people will respect us for being polite and tactful; that should translate into increased car sales. ERROR.



Hyundai Genesis -- Crazy Big Twist

First, ads that are self-aware of themselves always feel like a hack-job. So this already has that going against it. This ad barely even registered on my radar. More poignantly, no one who is shopping for a Mercedes is going to have Hyundai on their radar. Not even after 1000 soft-spoken, "think about it" commercials. And if you can't afford a Mercedes, do you really care that you can get a car that's "as spacious"? Is that really what luxury means to you? At least tell us it has the same engine, or safety features, or in dash nav system as the Mercedes. But then again, maybe all you can talk about and still be in the same ballpark is space. Congrats. Does it look and feel like a Lexus or Mercedes ad? Yeah. Was that the point? I think. Is that a good idea? No. D+.



Hyundai Genesis -- Aren't Gonna Like It

I'm pretty sure the USA Today Ad Meter is going to say this ad sucked. No one is going to remember it. And if they do, they'll probably think they saw an ad for BMW, Mercedes or Lexus. That's the problem with making your ad look like the ads of your competitor, then saying the names of said competitors in the same ad. People will think they saw an ad for your competitor. On the bright side, the car looks nice and I like that typing sound at the end when the words come up. D+.

The Hawk:
"Ooooooooooo!!! He dropped it on Mercedes head like that, son! Ish was deep, kid!" Who are they kidding? A Hyundai is Hyundai and a Mercedes is a Mercedes. If you can get Jay-Z to talk about his Hyundai, then you'll have my attention. Until then, stay in your lane, pun intended. F.

Gum -- Carmen Electra

The Mouth:
Wait, so "whoa" was the word? Huh? Not even the hotness of Carmen Electra could save this terrible ad. Is there some rule about gum ads that they have to be corny and awful? Can someone please make a good fresh mouth gum ad? (well, Orbit might actually be doing this)

Here's how this should have went. Every fan who comes up to her has bad breath and gets their clock cleaned by the bodyguards in a different way; taser, running double-leg jump kick to the chest, A NET GUN! Then, one smart fan chews the gum before approaching; she says "whoa" and we cut to a scene of her and Emmanuelle Chriqui all oiled up, rolling around on a bed of mint gum tablets. Whoa. D-.

The Hawk:
One question and one question only: How does Ice Cube not get this contract? C- (only on the strength of Carmen being hot).

Vita Water -- Shaq Jockey

The Mouth:
The Big Equestrian! You gotta let Shaq talk! I want to know what he was shouting when he was pretend riding a horse. Send me the footage, because that's comedy. This ad, however, is only alright. I love Shaq, so I'm predisposed to like it. But the whole Vitamin Water campaign feels tired to me(and they haven't even done that many ads). Check out the original review here. I don't see any reason to give this more than the B- the rest of the campaign has earned. B-.

The Hawk:
I'm with that guy. Shaq is naturally funny, yet they take the easy way out and only use the "joke in the can" of a big man in a small man situation. Shaq still hams it up enough where I crack a smile, but I'm also predisposed to all things Shaq. And doesn't that one jockey's jersey look like the Radio Shack symbol? I think about Radio Shack more than I do Vitamin Water. C+.

NASCAR -- Cars inside motors

The Hawk:
As someone who has watched NASCAR at times in my life, this is the type of ad that might bring me back in the fold. It's perfect. The cars, the engines, the racetrack sounds -- everything people love about the sport. It makes me wish they could run a real race on this imaginary track. This is going to appeal to gearheads everywhere and get people excited about the Super Bowl of NASCAR, the Daytona 500. A+.

The Mouth:
A+? Come on. This didn't even seem like an ad we should review. To me, it seemed like every other NASCAR ad I've ever seen on FOX and none of them have made me want to watch NASCAR. I believe the only way NASCAR should be seen is live, amidst thousands of drunken, B.O. reeking men and their Bangs From the 80's, showing too much skin ladies. If you can't smell puke, see an overweight girl flash her saggy tits or snag a Natural Light from a compatriot's cooler, why even bother? D-.

CareerBuilder.com -- Super Bowl Ads

Following in the footsteps of Monster.com, CareerBuilder gets in on the Super Bowl action with two memorable spots. They deliver a very clear, easy to follow message--even though each message is different. The overall tagline "start building" is okay, but doesn't really inspire me the way Monster's "your calling is calling" does. I guess at the end of the day, CareerBuilder will always be Monster's little brother. And they didn't do anything here to tell me why CareerBuilder is different or better than Monster. In fact, if you weren't paying attention, it's possible you might have thought that these were ads for Monster.



Follow Your Heart -- B+

The Mouth:
This was the better of the two. I love seeing that little heart plop down onto the keyboard. You know exactly what's going on and it's still fun to watch. For some reason it felt sort of flat at the end, but it still worked for me.

The Hawk:
Watching this ad, I had no clue what it was for. A new horror flick? A heartburn medication? Oh, maybe a job board. After it all comes together, the message is clear... if you can stomach it. This is gross, crude and makes me cringe. They made the food the boss is eating look like the cooked organs of his other employees It also seems like they should have used a man for the employee, as right when the heart is coming out, I'm thinking something is up with her boobs. Weird and bad. F.



Spider Eats Firefly -- C+

The Mouth:
I would have liked to see them develop the heart as its own character. There's thousands of ways that you can follow your heart regarding your career. Instead, they deliver a different message, that "wishing won't get you a better job." True. But this commercial won't convince me to use your site.

The Hawk:
Let's face it, they wanted to use "Wish Upon A Star", Disney wouldn't let them, so they came up with a lame, but cheap substitute. Weak. The song is bad and I'm happy when the spider eats that stupid bug. Like The Mouth said, when you think Super Bowl advertising and job boards, you think Monster, so they would be better served to get their name out there right away. There is no evidence of the service being advertised until I've stopped caring. F.

Cars.com -- Glondoor and Shrunken Head

The Mouth:
There's something about this Plan B campaign I like. The branding comes across pretty clear; I walk away knowing that cars.com prepares you for car shopping, so you don't have to use plan b. In the death-match one, I like when he advises the salesman to step outside the circle. And in the shrunken head ad, I laughed at: "Hey Jay, can I take off? I got a tiny head." B+ for both spots.

The Hawk:
I'm in between on these. The first half of both gets the point across and is good for Cars.com. But then the plan b's are out of nowhere craziness. In the Glondoor spot, the guy just says "plan b", not "plan b to make sure you give me what I wanted", like the shrunken head spot -- then it would've made more sense. Also, is it a good or bad thing to use B-level actors in your ads? The customer in Shrunken Head is an actor on the FOX tv series Bones. I never understand why that level of actor would stoop to this level. C-.

Bridgestone -- Screaming Super Bowl Ads

Screaming Animals -- C+

I feel like this is a combination of things I've seen before. The continued scream, animals in front of cars doing something. The only redeeming qualities are the silently screaming grasshopper and that woman's strange cartoonish face. And I don't think the copy at the end fits. For drivers who want to get more out of their tires, it's Bridgestone or nothing. Not running over animals is getting more out of your tires? That seems like it should be the cost of entry. For drivers who want pretty standard tires, how about Bridgestone?

The Hawk:
The first thing I thought of when I saw screaming animals, was the other recent car ad featuring animals with human qualities -- the Jeep Liberty ad -- which we both ripped. I guess this one is good for a bit of a chuckle, but the branding seems horrible. Mouth is correct about the mis-matched copy and on top of that, there have been a ton of ads over the year for actual cars, featuring this type of "quick swerve" action. They also wait too long to mention Bridgestone. That needs to happen earlier, then viewers wouldn't be left guessing. Further review bumps it a little from my initial grade, up to a C-.



Unexpected Obstacles -- B+

This brings to mind a very real fear I have. The night deer fear. Whenever I'm driving in a wooded area at night, I'm paranoid that a deer is going to bolt out in front of me. Sometimes, I can't even watch the road, I just scan the woods for a family of deer cantering out toward the road. After the deer, I love seeing Alice Cooper there. I didn't expect that. Richard Simmons is what he is (for some reason, hearing him shout "I believe in you" after we've gone to title cards makes me laugh). I think using two celebrities was sort of cheap. They could have come up with something else that was funny and unexpected, like an old lady in a bathtub with her cat. Wouldn't expect that. I also would have liked to see more of what the tire is doing. I understand it helped him avoid hitting thingsl, but maybe a slow motion capture of the tire gripping the road or something? Fear the deer. Go Bucks!

The Hawk:
I have the same general complaints with this one, only they switched not-really-that-funny animals with B(C? D?)-Level celebrities. Most Americans who once recognized Alice Cooper probably fried their brains away and thought some sort of sad clown was featured in this ad. The lighting is terrible as well, making it hard to see anything, and I'm STILL left asking: "Hey, what car was that for?". Can't wait to see the third edition! F.

SalesGenie.com -- Cartoons

The Mouth:
Do I even have to say this is bad? Did anyone pay attention to it, or did we all just tune it out thinking it was another eSurance.com commercial (which, by the way my grandma loves). What a monumental waste of $3,000,000. Do you know how much late night airtime you could have pulled for that kind of scratch? And that's when people who actually do sales are watching TV, thinking oh shit, I'm not going to make my quota, how can I get more sales? During the Super Bowl, the last thing some schmo with a lousy sales job wants to think about is how he's underperforming. No offense to all my friends with lousy sales jobs. F.



And while we're at it, let's throw in some stupid pandas with offensive Asian accents. F. Although I will say, there's about to be a boon in panda-centric advertising. Once Kung Fu Panda drops, it's going to be a panda bonanza.

The Hawk:
I don't think these are that bad. They are simple ads that -- get this -- advertise the product! Upon second watch I agree about the offensive accents, used in both, but I also agree that I am a sucker for pandas. C.

Bud Light -- Super Bowl Ads

Bud Light came strong, or at least frequent, for the Super Bowl, and it was largely a trainwreck of advertising missteps, with only 2 above average grades.

The Mouth:

Going with quantity over quality was clearly the strategy here. Bud Light serves up a little of everything, so one of these is probably bound to be funny to most groups of people. For the most part, I thought this was a pretty weak effort this year.



Breathe Fire -- C+

This is an attempt at a lame joke that has nothing to do with the product. What in the hell does breathing fire have to do with drinking beer unless you're talking about the heartburn that comes after drinking nasty-ass Bud Light? Spots like these only work if they're funny, and this is not. At least they do a good job of branding, as far as mentioning and picturing the product up front.

The Mouth:

This concept has the potential to be really funny, as is displayed in the dog talking about sausages commercial. This one isn't that great, although I'm sure if they thought harder about it, they could have come up with a funnier situation for breathing fire. I'll agree with C+.



Wine and Cheese Party -- B

Now this one is clever and funny. Good job.

The Mouth:

Hard to argue with that. This one is dead on for the target audience. Man no like silly wine and cheese parties. B+.



Carlos Mencia -- Foreign accent -- F

One word: lazy. "Hey, let's show another of those Carlos Mencia spots." "Ehh, what the hell?" A) This campaign wasn't funny the first time around. B) I'm not sure how much star power Mencia actually has. C) The humor is lowbrow, if not offensive. Horrible.

The Mouth:

Yeah, this one is bad. I actually think I like the old one, where he's teaching the class to say "Give me a Bud Light." But this one is just plain lame. Although I will say, even though I don't ever watch his show or anything he does, Carlos Mencia seems to have some star power. D-, because I like the little fellow who says Buuude Light.



Cavemen -- D+

Why are those Geicko guys drinking Bud Light now? Umm... I think ya'll missed the memo: Cavemen are played out! Unoriginal and not funny.

The Mouth:

Oh, wait, I get it. They invent the wheel, then they use it to carry the beer instead of rolling it. Dumb, stupid and bad. I guess someone at Budweiser issued a mandate. "Those Geiko cavemen are popular, we need a caveman commercial in the Super Bowl this year. Cavemen are all the rage right now." No, they're not. F.



Flying man -- D-

See the above review of "Breathe fire". And honestly... he's alive in the terminal later on? We're not that dumb.

The Mouth:

I thought this was even worse than the fire breathing one. Is it even possible that they could have come up with something MORE predictable than having the guy get hit by a plane? I really don't think so. On Family Fued, if they showed the first half of this commercial and asked how it would end, there would only be one answer. 100 out of 100 people would guess "guy gets hit by plane." Ding ding ding ding. With the freedom that beer advertising gives creatives, whoever is responsible for this spot should be forced to write salesgenie.com spots for the rest of his natural born life. Double F.



Will Ferrell as Jackie Moon -- A

This cross-promotional ad for Ferrell's upcoming movie, Semi-Pro, is a winner. In character, Ferrell is his usual funny self, dropping Bud Light-related one-liners. Good.

The Mouth:

Just Will doing what Will does. "A magical blend of barley, hops and delicious alcohol." Delicious indeed. A.