American Idol -- Ben Roethlisberger

The Mouth:
Does anyone even remember that the Steelers won the Super Bowl? I hate American Idol, and therefore hate any commercial for it. The only way this would have been good is if they had Ben pouring tequila down the throats of hot girls in the audience. F.

The Hawk:
JOKE IN A CAN ALERT! JOKE IN A CAN ALERT! JOKE IN A CAN ALERT! "I loved that song, until you ruined it." "Who sings this? Let's keep it that way." I'm not even sure what the point of this was. American Idol has plenty of viewers, so did they really need to get this elaborate? A simple reminder would have probably sufficed. Hell, maybe they were just having a little fun. Still stupid. D-.

Amp Energy Drink -- Nipples Re-charge Car Battery

The Mouth:
Ugh. Anything involving nipple clamping or belly buttons makes me want to puke. Not a good feeling to evoke when you're trying to sell a drink. And all from such a horrifically overused formula. Person can't do something. Person uses product. Miraculously person can now do something. We assume product is responsible.

This was mildly amusing, at best. The only redeeming factor is that it brought me back to the sixth grade roller-rink with Push It. Yo baby pops, yeah you, come here give me a kiss, better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed, can't you hear the music pumpin' hard like I wish you would? Now push it. Push it real good. That's from memory. D.

The Hawk:
Ugh is right. So now we've had a fat guy clamping his nipples, a horribly disgusting women and a dog's slobber all used to sell food or drink products? Doesn't it always feel better when you alone are not the stupid one? Somebody organize a happy hour for the various people behind these mistakes. F.

Victoria's Secret -- After The Game Super Bowl Ad

The Mouth:
This is exactly where Victoria's Secret should be. Once again in front of millions of grown men who spent their formative years conducting one-on-one study sessions with the catalog. And now we're old enough to have real ladies. And yes, if we've behaved, they will be waiting for us after the game. Great concept, great line(let the real games begin), great placement (near the end of the game), great ad. My only criticism is this: why not show more ladies? I mean, maybe some of us like blonds. Or redheads or Latinas or black girls or Asians or girls with buzz cuts or girls with big, fake knockers. Splash up a little variety for us. We're a melting pot. A-.

The Hawk:
An amazingly beautiful lingerie model twirling a football. Perfection. Oh, and all that intelligent ad stuff my cohort said. A+.

Moment Of Truth -- Chad Johnson

The Mouth:
I like Chad Johnson. I secretly like The Moment of Truth. I don't like this commercial. They took what was a very promising situation and delivered a very vanilla result. How was that the show that couldn't be more truthful? D.

The Hawk:
Agreed. Much like the Shaq Vitamin Water spot, they failed to utilize the potential of their star. I've seen this show too, and I think this fails to accentuate the draw of the show. This is the ad for some sort of comedy show, not Moment Of Truth. I think just showing actual clips of the show, with the participants' expressions, is the best way to draw new viewers. This spot only serves as a comedic take to people who are already watching.

Gatorade -- Man's Best Friend

The Mouth:
I'm not even going to pretend to understand what this means. Man likes Gatorade like dogs like water? Man drinks dogs? Dogs love Gatorade? Gatorade would drink Gatorade? The setup got my attention, and did make me feel kind of thirsty, but the payoff was terrible. Didn't fit the Gatorade brand at all. Was this a consumer created ad? Or did some ad-man trick Gatorade into buying a video he made of his dog? D-.

The Hawk:
I agree. No idea what they are trying here, unless it's: "Our drink tastes like nasty dog slobber. Yum." Also, I don't know what the joke is, but the punchline is: Michael Vick!!! OHHHHH!!!! F.

Taco Bell -- Mariachi band

The Mouth:
I mean, what can you really expect from Taco Bell? Can you remember a good Taco Bell ad, ever? And no, that stupid little dog doesn't count. Nothing about this seemed like a Super Bowl ad, except for the fact that it was on during the Super Bowl. In its favor, it's undeniably a Taco Bell ad. D.

The Hawk:
Sorry, I can't sugarcoat this. Plain and simple, this is some racist bullshit. At least you know it's Taco Bell, I guess. F.

Toyota Sequoia -- Big Wheel Race

The Mouth:
And the mongoose flies! Yes! Why is it so hard to do ads for family cars that make them seem cool? This ad begins to break the nauseating mold that most family car ads are cast from. Get some fresh music and show families tearing it up. Show 250 berserkers screaming down a hill on big wheels. Show that it's about more than getting from point A to point B, or keeping the kids quiet. We all know family cars are safe and we'll ask about that in the dealership, but we're still humans. We still want to feel like the $35,000 cars we're buying are cool. I would have loved for this to be for a minivan.

"Seats eight crazies." Indeed. A-.

Also, it's the perfect counterpart to the other Toyota Sequoia commercial, which I love.

The Hawk:

That's all well and good, too bad it's a rip-off of this CLASSIC H2 ad. I hate copycats. Big wheels are fun though, so I can't fail it, as much as I want to. C-.

Coke -- Super Bowl Ads

I'm not familiar with Super Bowl time slot strategy, but it's interesting to note that Coke aired both of it's ads during the 4th Quarter, while Pepsi set things off early.



This is awesome. Coke in that glass bottle -- even a balloon version -- always looks so delicious. And it looks like my cartoon friends agree! I don't even know the names of the first two characters, but I do recognize them. I do know one thing though -- they want that Coke! When old head Charlie Brown triumphantly claims the prize at the end, it's a feel good moment. This was a good implementation, as well, as the balloons look like the real thing. A.

The Mouth:
Coke is all about feeling good. And if this commercial doesn't fill your heart with joy, perhaps it's time to invest in a new heart that has feelings. Parade ballon Stewie vs. parade balloon Underdog for the parade balloon bottle of Coka-Cola Classic until SURPRISE! Parade balloon Charlie Brown! After having the football yanked out from under him so many times, doesn't he deserve an ice cold Coke? This was ranked by many as the top commercial of the Super Bowl, which I'm not sure I'm ready to concede, but it is good. A.



An ok "Odd Couple" type commercial with some sort of funny scenes, playing off the election year. It gets off to a very bad start for me, however, as Bill Frist pretty much single-handedly tried to kill online poker in America. I only have negative thoughts after seeing him. C-.

The Mouth:
Oh, I get it. Democrats and Republicans can get along if they share a Coke. Problem is, I don't really know who either of those guys are (even though they use titles to introduce them at the beginning). And if I don't know, you can bet a large portion of the beer drinking, football loving audience is also at a loss. Just didn't do anything for me. And that bald guy looks like some sort of evil skeleton. After that joyful balloon ad, this one falls flat. D-.

Sunsilk -- Famous Stars' Hair

The Mouth:
Every year you get at least one advertiser during the Super Bowl who thinks, "No one else is targeting women, this is my chance to have them all to myself." I have no idea if this works or not, but I like the thinking--millions of women stuck on couches, forced to watch football, diddling with their hair wishing someone would pay attention to them. Perfect time for a shampoo ad! Unfortunately, this year's woman ad kind of sucks. It didn't feel "big" or "fresh" enough to compete with the other ads around it. I guess it has star power, but I don't think you can ever clearly see their hair. And isn't that what you want to show off with shampoo? I mean, if life was reduced to three colors and desaturated, we'd all look awesome. D+.

The Hawk:
Yeah, it felt like they spent all of their money on the placement and on the stars and then just threw the rest together. And is that second picture really Shakira? The other two were recognizable, but Shakira is known for her curly hair, which does not come across at all in that portrait. I'm also never a fan of "hiding" the product until the end. C-.

E*Trade -- Talking Baby

My love for these commercials flies directly in the face of years of hatred toward talking baby ads. I believe it was Quizno's that did a talking baby ad last year or the year before and I lambasted it as a cheap, horrible effort. But for some reason (well, the writing is the exact reason) I love these. They talk about the product and I'm entertained. Success.



Spit Up: B+

The Mouth:
"A. Don't worry about it, I just look young...you don't know how old I am." And the baby spits up. Didn't see that coming, did you?



The Hawk:
There is absolutely nothing I hate more than an investment ad. I don't care what kind of investment-related product it is, the minute I realize what's going on, I let out a loud groan and usually some sort of profanity. I didn't even get the chance to do that here, because I was already groaning about YET ANOTHER TALKING BABY. SHUT. UP. F.

Clown: A

The Mouth:
I know my associate doesn't care for these, so I want to take a minute to point out some of the details that make me love this spot. Like the way the dialog/baby's train of thought is interrupted by the sound of that balloon at the beginning. That's something you have to plan out and think about. A subtle detail that makes a big difference, in my opinion. I think if it had just been a straight read, this would have fallen flat. But the director, or someone, knew what they were doing.

"Me and the boys were talking about what to do with all this extra coin, and I was like, I'm rentin a clown...and I did...Bobo here." I like the writing and the actor's read; it seems very natural and comes off funnier because of it. Plus, that baby wanted a clown--and it got a clown. That is a man of action. You have to respect that.

The Hawk:
A talking baby and a clown! What will they think of next? Oh, they'll make a joke about clowns being creepy! How original! Awesome. FAIL. F---------

Hyundai Genesis -- Fake-ass Mercedes

Shhhhhhhh, let's try and make our ads as quiet and ignorable as possible. We don't want to wake up anyone who might be sleeping during the Super Bowl. Nor would we want to interrupt their conversation about the game. I think people will respect us for being polite and tactful; that should translate into increased car sales. ERROR.



Hyundai Genesis -- Crazy Big Twist

First, ads that are self-aware of themselves always feel like a hack-job. So this already has that going against it. This ad barely even registered on my radar. More poignantly, no one who is shopping for a Mercedes is going to have Hyundai on their radar. Not even after 1000 soft-spoken, "think about it" commercials. And if you can't afford a Mercedes, do you really care that you can get a car that's "as spacious"? Is that really what luxury means to you? At least tell us it has the same engine, or safety features, or in dash nav system as the Mercedes. But then again, maybe all you can talk about and still be in the same ballpark is space. Congrats. Does it look and feel like a Lexus or Mercedes ad? Yeah. Was that the point? I think. Is that a good idea? No. D+.



Hyundai Genesis -- Aren't Gonna Like It

I'm pretty sure the USA Today Ad Meter is going to say this ad sucked. No one is going to remember it. And if they do, they'll probably think they saw an ad for BMW, Mercedes or Lexus. That's the problem with making your ad look like the ads of your competitor, then saying the names of said competitors in the same ad. People will think they saw an ad for your competitor. On the bright side, the car looks nice and I like that typing sound at the end when the words come up. D+.

The Hawk:
"Ooooooooooo!!! He dropped it on Mercedes head like that, son! Ish was deep, kid!" Who are they kidding? A Hyundai is Hyundai and a Mercedes is a Mercedes. If you can get Jay-Z to talk about his Hyundai, then you'll have my attention. Until then, stay in your lane, pun intended. F.

Bud Light -- Super Bowl Ads

Bud Light came strong, or at least frequent, for the Super Bowl, and it was largely a trainwreck of advertising missteps, with only 2 above average grades.

The Mouth:

Going with quantity over quality was clearly the strategy here. Bud Light serves up a little of everything, so one of these is probably bound to be funny to most groups of people. For the most part, I thought this was a pretty weak effort this year.



Breathe Fire -- C+

This is an attempt at a lame joke that has nothing to do with the product. What in the hell does breathing fire have to do with drinking beer unless you're talking about the heartburn that comes after drinking nasty-ass Bud Light? Spots like these only work if they're funny, and this is not. At least they do a good job of branding, as far as mentioning and picturing the product up front.

The Mouth:

This concept has the potential to be really funny, as is displayed in the dog talking about sausages commercial. This one isn't that great, although I'm sure if they thought harder about it, they could have come up with a funnier situation for breathing fire. I'll agree with C+.



Wine and Cheese Party -- B

Now this one is clever and funny. Good job.

The Mouth:

Hard to argue with that. This one is dead on for the target audience. Man no like silly wine and cheese parties. B+.



Carlos Mencia -- Foreign accent -- F

One word: lazy. "Hey, let's show another of those Carlos Mencia spots." "Ehh, what the hell?" A) This campaign wasn't funny the first time around. B) I'm not sure how much star power Mencia actually has. C) The humor is lowbrow, if not offensive. Horrible.

The Mouth:

Yeah, this one is bad. I actually think I like the old one, where he's teaching the class to say "Give me a Bud Light." But this one is just plain lame. Although I will say, even though I don't ever watch his show or anything he does, Carlos Mencia seems to have some star power. D-, because I like the little fellow who says Buuude Light.



Cavemen -- D+

Why are those Geicko guys drinking Bud Light now? Umm... I think ya'll missed the memo: Cavemen are played out! Unoriginal and not funny.

The Mouth:

Oh, wait, I get it. They invent the wheel, then they use it to carry the beer instead of rolling it. Dumb, stupid and bad. I guess someone at Budweiser issued a mandate. "Those Geiko cavemen are popular, we need a caveman commercial in the Super Bowl this year. Cavemen are all the rage right now." No, they're not. F.



Flying man -- D-

See the above review of "Breathe fire". And honestly... he's alive in the terminal later on? We're not that dumb.

The Mouth:

I thought this was even worse than the fire breathing one. Is it even possible that they could have come up with something MORE predictable than having the guy get hit by a plane? I really don't think so. On Family Fued, if they showed the first half of this commercial and asked how it would end, there would only be one answer. 100 out of 100 people would guess "guy gets hit by plane." Ding ding ding ding. With the freedom that beer advertising gives creatives, whoever is responsible for this spot should be forced to write salesgenie.com spots for the rest of his natural born life. Double F.



Will Ferrell as Jackie Moon -- A

This cross-promotional ad for Ferrell's upcoming movie, Semi-Pro, is a winner. In character, Ferrell is his usual funny self, dropping Bud Light-related one-liners. Good.

The Mouth:

Just Will doing what Will does. "A magical blend of barley, hops and delicious alcohol." Delicious indeed. A.