Garmin -- Napoleon's Army

The Mouth:
The music drives, the suspense builds, it's a mystery...who is driving this little car? The headless horseman? A ghost? A baby? Or maybe the car is driving itself? From the beginning it caught my interest and I was surprised--though not really excited--when Napoleon stepped out of the car. I don't know if it really sells the Garmin device effectively. We had a Garmin the last time I traveled and it wasn't all that great. Overall the ad was pretty good--and they capitalized on the growing popularity of the mini-horse! Unless that was a pony. B-.

The Hawk:
I didn't get this one. Napoleon? Huh? Was this targeting the large foreign audience tuning into the Super Bowl? Somehow I don't see the American masses finding this interesting. The music annoys me, as well. At least the show their device being used, effectively. D.

Verizon, Hockey Fans Aren't Like Other Fans: A-

Hey baby! Baby! This made me laugh, then they dedicated ten seconds to hammering me with product information. For those ten seconds I was still feeling the euphoria brought on by the laughing, so I wasn't annoyed that they were trying to sell me something. The only thing wrong with this is the guy shouting isn't holding a beer. A real hockey fan would have a beer.

It's going to be hard for me not to shout at babies now. Pure comedy. And the younger the baby, the better. I might even shout at a pregnant woman's stomach. Or into a newly impregnanted vagina. A-.

The Hawk:
Definitely a well-targeted ad. Hockey fans will "get" this one, and if they are really diehard fans, it will draw their interest to Verizon's service. I dislike the Verizon glasses guy, though, so his appearance here is a detriment. He wasn't needed... although I guess he reinforces the branding. B.

Jawbone, Eliminates Noise

I saw this ad yesterday on Creativity's website. A campaign featuring short films promoting this Jawbone earpiece thing, which I had never heard of before. This one and the following rugby player (homophobic readers beware) one are the only two I could find on YouTube. But there's two more in the series, one of which features an amazingly offensive and annoying man yelling at his dry cleaner, that are pretty good. This, to me, is what advertising can be. A great story, told in a way that truly communicates the benefit of the product. The idea that Jawbone "elminates noise" is illustrated perfectly. And everyone can appreciate the slaughter of the annoyingly loud.

The title treatments at the end, where the top lines eliminate the bottom one, are almost as great as the ads themselves. I was so intrigued by these, that I actually went to the company's website to find out more about the technology. And although I loathe people who use these terrible Bluetooth, hands-free headsets, I was tempted to buy one. For about one second. Then I realized I'm not a douche.

While I find the use of gratuitous man-on-man making out to be a cheap, polarizing tactic (see Snicker's Super Bowl ad), I think you still get the point. This is by far the worst of the four, not because of the gayness, but because it features no violent elimination of the offending noise-makers:



The problem is, where will these run? In movie theaters seems to be the ideal location. The Jawbone website (where they have yet to appear) is also a good option. And even if they never get further than being a viral internet campaign, I still think the effort is a success. A.

The Hawk:
I have major problem with this product and the ads. This headset only fits in ONE EAR, correct? So how is the noise blocked out of my OTHER ear? Won't the environment potentially still greatly affect whether or not I can hear the conversation? After reading the website, I see that it does include technology that will allow the person on the other end of the call to hear me better, but that only solves half the problem.

The poolside ad hits home for me, because I find that situation particularly annoying. However, they did not need to have the group of guys carry on for so long. The point was well-proven without going so far over the top.

As for the rugby bar edition... huh? Men kissing causes a lot of noise? That makes absolutely no sense. I wasn't forced to review these, I would never have made it past the 20 or 30 second mark, so I would not have even known what the hell the product was. If I was forced to sit through these at a theatre, as my colleague suggested, I would feel murderous. F. Ad-exec masturbation, anyone?

Jitterbug, Cell Phone for Seniors

First, I'm amazed I could find this on YouTube. Who the hell would want to watch this of their own free will? I bet I've unconsciously seen this ad about 50 times, but until my roommate pointed it out during Law & Order last night, I've never been aware that I'm watching it. Something about the music, the graphics, the whole treatment, tells my brain, "you can think about something else now, this doesn't concern you." This revolutionary phone, designed especially for old folks, promises: "Bigger buttons, bigger numbers." And, "You don't need a 400-page manual to use it." How simple is Jitterbug? One version of the phone comes with only three options:


It would be hard for even the most technology-ignorant old person to be confused by that. I am a bit concerned though, as at the end it offers a free car phone charger with purchase. If you need a phone with only three options because you can't figure out a normal cell phone, you shouldn't be operating a motor vehicle. They're slightly more complicated and entirely more dangerous than a mobile phone.

A third version of the phone has an ASSIST button, which when pressed slowly administers lethal medication to the user, allowing them to peacefully slip away during conversation. If you happen to accidentally press the button, you're in luck, you can use your Jitterbug to call 911 or the operator for help. Or you can call home to say goodbye.

It's difficult to grade this, as I think it's probably doing it's job: turning off the brains of young consumers and singing its way into the hearts of our elderly. But because I've noticed it and I'll now be tortured by it during my many hours watching Law & Order, and because I think advertising takes advantages of the impressionable and feeble minds of our elders, F.

The Hawk:
I'm neither here nor there on this one. It's an informational ad the describes the product well and I do like that "Jitterbug" jingle in the background. All-in-all it just exists, so it gets a C. Average.

Alltel Wireless, Terrible Campaign: F

I couldn't find the ad I just saw, but to sum it up: terrible. Not only do I hate each commercial in this campaign, but until I decided to review this should-have-been-aborted effort, I had no idea which company it was for. I knew it was mocking the other carriers, but since I had no idea who was doing the mocking, what's the point? Here's one I hate as much as any of the others:



I understand the concept; personify the other mobile phone companies as inept nerds, while casting yourself as the cool, hip, savior of the common person. The problem is, we don't know who you are. You spend half of your commercials talking about and "showing" your competitors, who, in my mind, are more evil, theiving bastards than bungling losers. And in my mind, Alltel doesn't even exist as an option. This campaign doesn't really help to change that. In my mind.

Mac, Holiday Ad: B-

(image taken from Gary's Blog)

If five other companies weren't already running ripoffs of this Rudolph treatment, this would probably seem pretty clever. But I've seen at least two more--one is for insurance, I think, the other is for some terrible cell phone company. So Mac isn't exactly breaking new creative ground with this. Other than that, the writing and concept for this one fall short of their other efforts in this campaign (which I generally like). Usually the joke is based on some sort of truth; this is just a childish jab at PCs.



The only two good parts are the beginning when Santa sounds the harmonica and the "he see's you when your in sleep mode" line. If I didn't love Christmas so much, this would be more in the C or C+ range.

#7 Creativity's Most Viewed--Halo 3, Combat: B-

Creativity has a real hard-on for Halo 3. I'm surprised this was #7 on their list of most viewed, considering I had never seen nor heard of it. The video I found on YouTube only had around 6,500 views, compared to the 3-4 million views "Believe" has. The short was created by Neill Blomkamp, the director who started making the actual Halo movie (which was slated for release in 2009, but is now apparently dead in the water).

He accomlished his goal of making it "feel like the most brutal, real version of science fiction in a war environment that you've seen in a while." The problem is, it doesn't make me want to play the game; it makes me want to see the movie. So the director succeeded in making an ad for his derailed movie, but failed in making an ad for the game. The real-life action and cgi aliens are so good they make the game seem like crap.

Here's a link to the interview about the commercial and movie.

Sony Bravia, Bunnies & Balls: A+

What is HDTV good for? Watching amazing, colorful film in high definition. So Sony created a series of spectacularly visually captivating ads to illustrate this point. Paired with perfect music, done in old-fashion, pain-staking stop motion, the clay rabbit commercial is about as flawless as an ad can get. It shows you what's possibly when imagination meets technology, and if you have a Sony Bravia television, it shows it to you more vividly and clearly than anything else.

Equally as brilliant was the "balls" spot, for which they shut down a street in San Francisco and dumped/shot hundreds of thousands of bouncy balls down the road, filmed in ultra-slow motion.



Viewing these commercials on YouTube is a perfect illustration of the concept. At a low resolution, it's okay. High res, it's awesome. You can see a cleaner version of the commercial, as well as documentaries on the making of, on the Sony Europe website.

#9 Creativity's Most Viewed--Halo 3, Believe: A+

Already reviewed this one here. I love it, my associate believes it was stolen.

Halo 3: A+

Check out the review here:

I'm An Idea Man

It's an older ad, but I love it. Awesome.